Another Trip Around the Sun
This June I had the great honor of facilitating an event for someone who wanted to celebrate her birthday by bringing friends from all eras of her life together to learn about meditation. In all, there were about 20 people including family, friends from childhood/college/early adulthood and coworkers. As an observer, it was really special to see how much love and compassion they had for the birthday celebrant. Toward the end of our time together, I invited each of them to offer a wish; there wasn’t a dry eye by the end. This moment really struck me, what a perfect gift to share with others…bringing people together from all walks of one’s life to share such a heartwarming and meaningful experience.
As I celebrated another trip around the sun last month, I shared a few delicious meals with friends, received many beautiful messages and spent a great deal of time throughout the month in reflection and contemplation about who I am and who I want to be. Many life changes have happened over the last few years and the one word that continues to be the common thread in the fabric of my life is connection.
I have always loved being outdoors. My parents planted the seed of connecting with earth by tending to the gardens, hooking up the tractor and wagon to clean ditches filled with litter or our family summer vacations spent camping in Door County or along the Colorado River.
Like many others, when the pandemic came, I had the urge to get outside. When I could, I began knocking off the NH48 4k footers, strolled barefoot along beaches and even convinced by parents to go whitewater rafting. I also reignited a love of tent camping. Spending time in nature provides me much needed moments to slow down and take in the beauty of our environment. I roll pinecones between my hands and graze my fingertips along the furs to stimulate touch and smell; atop of a mountain I will soak in the heat of the sun or the breeze of the wind and admire the incredible views. I understand the privilege of having access to this vastness of beauty and try not to take it for granted. Being amongst the trees, mountain tops, fungi, critters, waterfalls and so much more, my heart is always full when connecting with nature.
“Become friends with someone who is 20 years older than you and someone who is 20 years younger than you; become friends with someone whose religion/spirituality is not the same as yours; become friends with someone whose first language is not the same as yours.”
Another form of connection I cherish are all the beautiful friendships I have. Our society puts so much emphasis on romantic partnerships and devalues the other significant others . A great visual representation of where people fit in our lives was once described to me like this-
Relationships come in all shapes and sizes and there is ebb and flow in each of our relationships. Imagine your favorite theater, one with a stage. On stage with you are the ride and dies; they are your first phone call regardless of good, bad or indifferent. Those in the orchestra pit are some of your closest people who are near and dear to your heart. The mezzanine or balcony might be coworkers who you are pleasant with at work but don’t have a relationship outside of work, might be extended family or friends who you see every once in a while or who you might love but their words and actions don’t always align. Acquaintances such as the postal worker or the barista might be out in the lobby area. People in our lives might shift seats depending on where we are in life. For example, those on stage with you when you are 25 might be moved back a few rows when you are 45 or someone might move forward to a new section after the scaffolding of a relationship organically builds.
Many of my most significant relationships are challenged by distance but the bond we have are quite strong. A few of my favorite exchanges include surprise snail mail letters, sending a text message at 5:30am with a quote from ODAT and know I am going to get a response within minutes, going for a walk and talk or attending theater and music events. I spend a lot of time thinking about my friends, how thankful I am to have so many loving, caring, compassionate and empathetic folks in my life. Depending on the situation, I can have a pretty good poker face. But when sitting across a table or as seen in the pics here, when there is a smile without words, I am experiencing a wave of joy and gratitude for simply sharing space with the beautiful souls in my life.
The last connection in the fabric of life is one with myself. As noted earlier, many life changes have occurred over the last few years. One of the biggest is a change of career as of July. After three years of graduate school, I have shifted from working in the health/fitness world to behavioral health therapy. The work we do often feels like controlled chaos but it is an environment in which I thrive. But in order for me to thrive in that environment, I must do a lot of interpersonal awareness work to take care of myself. For the last ten years, engaging in my own therapeutic process has allowed me to dig deep and it continues to provide an environment where I can explore who I am and who I want to be. One of the greatest gifts I have given myself is a daily-ish meditation practice. Unplugging from stimulus or distraction helps us be more mindful instead of mind-full. For me, I have learned that meditation helps me become better friends with myself when discursive thoughts or habitual patterns of fear, resistance or avoidance begin to set in. Little by little, I see hints of aha moments and everyone once in a while, there is a profound moment that hits like a mack truck. One is no greater than the other; all opportunities to learn more about myself and my patterns. And finally, making (not finding) time to do things I enjoy fills me with contentment (where I believe joy, happiness and peace intersect). This could be a walk around Castle Island, visiting a museum, lunching with friends or enjoying a full moon
As I continue to reflect and contemplate this thing called life, the words of José C. Massó will be close to my heart. At the Cambridge Jazz Festival, he so eloquently shared a way of being, a way that I strive to live each day.
