Emotions Lead to a Sliding Door Moment
Heartbreak. Anger. Sadness. Confusion. Anxiety. And so many more emotions. Yesterday I was flooded with a cyclical pattern of emotions after a SCOTUS decision was announced. To know me is to know where I stand on political and social issues and I will not use this post to rail against the decision itself. Instead, I will explore the moments directly after and how the sliding door theory came into play.
I was bombarded with text messages while nearing the end of an online yoga class I was teaching. My energy and those I was holding space for shifted as the decision came through. In my closing remarks, I encouraged them to take good care of themselves. And I needed those words for myself. With another hour of work before I could really sit and explore my emotions, I could feel this visceral pent up energy build. I wanted to take a sledge hammer and pound it against a tractor tire, over and over and over again. I needed to do something.
With no access to a sledge hammer or tractor tire in that moment, the next thought was, “Go find a way to numb or comfort your feelings.” With my genetic mapping, this came as no surprise. This was my sliding door moment…how one decision can change the trajectory from that moment on. Instead of raiding the refrigerator or pouring a glass of wine, I laced up my running shoes, put Ani DiFranco on my playlist and hit the pavement. This was a significant decision to make. One, it was an opportunity to disrupt the genetic mapping that is deeply ingrained into my DNA. And two, I have been managing some SI (sacroiliac) dysfunction that has forced me to alter my exercise regimen since May of 2021.
I understand this is one day at a time. I understand that I could have in that moment, and in the future, choose a different path when encountering strong emotions.
What I am grateful for are a few tools that I have and am able to work with:
My therapist, Dr. Anne, who has been a staple and support system in my mental health for nearly eight years. She provides space for me to explore who I am and tools for me to use in situations as the one stated above.
My meditation practice. I have reengaged in a consistent meditation practice, both on my own and in community.
Regular Exercise. Getting some form of movement, whether it be mobility, strength training or cardiovascular endurance- I move and feel better; physically and mentally.
Journaling. It feels like a time capsule of my life and what I was experiencing with an opportunity to reflect and learn about who I was that day.
My sliding door moment could have turned into a negative, spiral trajectory had I chosen to numb the emotions I was feeling. Using a few tools allowed me to become more responsive and less reactive, within myself. And those same tools will help me to continue taking action at the local, state and federal level.
The only thing we can control are our actions and the choices we make in our own lives. All we can do is continue to trust that there is something we are supposed to learn through the process of letting go.
be well-
