Grief is the Price of Love

Last week I learned an uncle had been admitted to the hospital as a result of an accident. After a few days and severals tests later, I received news he had died. As shock began to dissipate, tsunami like waves of grief and sadness rolled through. My uncle was a giant pillar for our family, during his 30 years of service as an educator, and in his community. He was kind and generous to all he connected with. His warm heart and big smile always made others feel like they mattered, because to him, they did. His faith was a guiding light in all he did. My heart aches for my aunt, his four kids and their families, and for our global community.

“When your heart is broken, you plant seeds in the cracks and pray for rain.” - Andrea Gibson

We have all experienced grief and sadness throughout our lifetime. Maybe it’s because a loved one has died, a relationship has ended, our best friend moves across the country or because of a major life transition. How we handle this grief and sadness will be different for each person. For some, it might look like stepping back and disengaging with others so they can process what is happening, maybe it’s finding comfort in surrounding themselves with close friends and family, maybe it’s curling up on the couch and reading a book, getting out in nature or finding a way to honor who or what is being grieved. There is no right way to go about doing this and how one does it may change over time. I do encourage you to allow yourself to feel your feelings, understanding whatever you are experiencing is valid. Be kind and compassionate to yourself.

And if you know someone is in the grieving process, remember this is their experience, not yours. Avoid offering unsolicited advice, bright-side statements such as, “At least…”, projecting your own experience, vague offers of support, making assumptions such as “You’re doing so well.”, judgment statements such as, “You look like you need more sleep.”, or pushing them to grieve on your timeline. Instead, reach out and be with them in whatever way is needed, find your own way to express or honor love, acknowledge how much hurt they are experiencing, and/or let them know you are thinking of them.

Grief is the price of love. I am honored to have called this great man, Uncle Todd and I will carry him with me wherever I go.